Pick Up Your Feelings

Hey, fam! How y’all doing? I know it’s been a minute, but…life. Pray for me.

For those of you who are new to the space, I’m Bri. Welcome to the Living Room, where we spill tea and turn our lemons into lemonade. Get on in this house and let’s get into it. I gotta tell y’all what’s been going on.

When I first started this blog, I was on a roll. It seemed like I was writing posts left and right, and I was constantly inspired. But then, life started getting a little more hectic (as if it’s ever really been calm, but anyway…). My mind was always racing and things kept getting added to this never-ending, always running to-do list that I kept in the back of my mind.

As y’all know, ya’ girl is an overthinker and worrier to the MAX. So, needless to say, I could never slow my thoughts down enough to focus on completing a single task, albeit simple or not.

And, like you would after any long race, I got tired. Mentally, I mean. I lost all motivation to do something that was usually very therapeutic and enjoyable for me.

Everything seemed like work, and I wasn’t inspired by anything.

I’d try to force myself to write a post, and it never felt right. Not like the other posts I’ve done.

This one wasn’t just coming to me, and I wasn’t having any aha! moments.

Then, one day, while mindlessly scrolling through Instagram, I read a post that said (and I’m paraphrasing), “You don’t need to feel motivated to start. You just need to start and the motivation will follow, eventually.”

And I felt…seen. I started to believe that this was just a moment…a phase…a season that had an end date as long as I didn’t stop here.

I thought back to the story in the Bible where Jesus asked the man at the well if he wanted to be healed. Jesus didn’t ask him how he felt. He didn’t ask the man what he thought. He told him to pick up his mat and walk. (See John 5).

Usually, when I read this Scripture, I get excited just at the mere indication of someone getting the healing that they’d waited so long for.

But, not this time.

This time, I was more intrigued by Jesus’ instruction and the words He did not say.

I’m more than sure that the man at the well had a ton of feelings and emotions that needed to be processed. I’m sure many thoughts crossed his mind after waiting at the well for so long, and eventually losing hope that his healing would come.

But, Jesus—the caring, loving God who is concerned about everything concerning us—didn’t think it necessary to address those things in that moment.

Maybe…just maybe…that particular story was meant to show us that obedience does not require you to “feel” it.

And maybe…just maybe…our obedience is a better indicator of our faith than our feelings are.

I know God led me to create this blog. I know God is leading me professionally. I can see His hand in my personal life.

I can feel Him nudging me along, despite the fact that I don’t feel like moving…despite the fact that this transition feels scary…despite the fact that I feel like I’m not ready.

So, yes, in case you’re wondering, even as I write this blog, I don’t feel it. I’m not as motivated as I’d like. I’m still struggling to keep my thoughts from racing and to be present in this moment.

I think that’s the point though. Feelings are unstable and can run you ragged if you let them, which, I believe, is why God only gives instructions to do, not to feel.

Can you imagine Jesus telling a man who hadn’t walked in over three decades to pick up his mat and walk?

After all that time I know good and well that he didn’t feel the blood circulating through his legs or feel the muscles move or feel any sensation in his toes. The Bible gives no indication of any of that.

Nothing moved until he did. Until he chose to be obedient, regardless of whether he felt it or not.

Then, and only then, did his feelings match his movement.

So, right now, I’m choosing to pick up what I’ve been wallowing in—God, I hear you—like my fear, my worry, my anxiety, my lack of motivation, my hopelessness. And, I’m walking just based off His instruction.

I don’t know if I have a lesson from the low as much as I have some food for thought:

Take note of what’s on your mat. You ain’t gotta tell me what you’ve been sitting in. But, be honest with yourself if you can’t be honest with nobody else. Then choose…I mean really choose…to pick it up and walk. And just keep moving as the Lord leads you. (major key)

You probably won’t feel like it at first. You won’t feel like it makes sense or feel all-the-way right about the direction.

But, as long as you know who’s ordering your steps, you can do what Sista Jazmine Sullivan preached and PICK UP YOUR FEELINGS and keep moving.

I know she was talking about somethin’ else in a different context, but this is a whole word for somebody. You better catch it!

Amen, church? Amen.